Why podcasts are stupid (The case for a lord of the rings total war)

podcasts are stupid, and they are fat, and jerkoffs, and yeah

But anyways, have any of you DRONES thought about a total war lord of the rings game? The Lord of the Rings battle for middle earth two has consumed numerous hours of my life, but it has many flaws, limited AI intelligence, limited troop numbers, and a lack of island maps.  But take it with some total war badassery, tens of thousands of troops, massive scope, and beautiful EVERYTHING, and all of a sudden you could have a sweet game.  With Total War: The Lord of the Rings, you could bring the elves back to the peak of the Noldor's glory in Middle Earth, you could see the men of Rohan claim all the lands of Rhovanion, lead the men of Gondor up to te peak of Numenorean civilization, or plunge the world back into darkness under the banner of the goblins of the Misty Mountains, the Uruk-hai of Saruman, or the darkness that never sleeps in Mordor.  And if the dark powers win there could be an amazing second stage campaign, where the dark powers of Middle Earth fight to bring Morgoth the dark King back from beyond the walls of the world, and wage a war on the God's and the undying land.  And if the good powers win against the power's of Middle Earth, then they couold drive North, East, or South towards the dark fortress at Angband, Utunmo, the lands of Harad, and Rhun, and even the completely skipped over in lore lands of Khand.  And this would only be the beginning, there could be a second game for the wars in Bereliand, which would include the coming of the Noldor, and the Edain (men of the west) into the West of Middle Earth.  this game would blow my mind and inspire millions, mainly and most importantly me.  SO DO THIS GODDAM YOU PEOPLE WHO OWN LORD OF THE RINGS, AND TOTAL WAR OR ILL NEVER EVER BUY YOUR GAMES AGAIN (im weak though so i probably will)

harry <3

My evil genius boss (New Lord of the Rings Game)

Good Evening drones

So zac is quite the evil genius, he tricked me into applying my ridiculous amounts of LOTR knowledge into explaiining this new game thats being produced...well here's what i know about these so called "Black Numenorians" (Sorry that my explanation is so confusing but I wrote it in five minutes to Zac over facebook, and did not really think much about planning it out in any logical order.)

urrrgg they have some of their facts skewed...but they r talking about the black numenorians, a race of ppl who fled the island of numenor after the supreme god struck it down...basically isiliudur aragorn's anscestor fled the island, and it was isiliudur and his father i think who struck down sauron at the end of the second age with the aid of gil-galad the elf king of the noldor (the eastern great elves who were in middle earth at this point). The black numenorians were the numenorians who fled from the great island of numenor and were against the gods of the west, and so they allied with Sauron the god of the east in effect, and so they became the black numenorians, versus aragorns anscestors who were white numenorians and elf-frend. the island of numenor was created a long time ago at the dawn of the second age as a home of the humans who fought on the elves behalf against the evil lord morgoth and his lieuftenant Sauron. These humans were of course, called numenorians, and had very long lives (about six hundred years), because they were half human and half elf, (their orignal leader is elronds brother, so elrond chose to be elf, whereas the ancient numenorians chose to be humans). Now the Numenorians were beloved of the Gods of the West, and were given extended lives, great power, and many virtuous things, but were corrupted by a wish to extend their lives, and by Sauron, who they defeated in a war. Basically the island of numenor was halfweay between middle earth and the land of the gods, and from thyis island the numenoreans collonised Middle Earth and built great kingdoms, and when Sauron tried to attack them, they came across the sea and whooped his bitch ass. They took him as a prisoner to their island where he corrupted the people to take on the gods. ONly about five hudred numenorians stayed loyal to the gods and these were the ansceestors of aragorn, and tyhe founders of the kingdoms of Gondor in the SOuth, and Arnor in the North. Now the rest of the Numenorians became ensanred by Sauron's promises, and built a HUGE army to destroy the gods, and so the gods basically said...FUCK YOu and allowed the supreme god Eo, or Illuvatiar to enter into the world and swallow up teh island of Numenor. The only surviviors were the good numenorians, who sailed in seven ships to Middle Earht, and the colonists who were evil and settled in Middle Earth previously, these evil colonists are THE BLACK NUMENORIANS at the start of the second age. They are basically the nobility of the evil men in the scond age, so the haradrim, and the men of RHUN, they were very powerful, equal in strength to aragorn, or isiuldur, they ruled over the South. Sauron's liefutenant at the end of the third age was their final member, had Sauron won he would have re-populated the world of men with the race of the black numenorians, and probably taken down the gods this time. 

The game is kinda going off canon by saying he is a sorcere, my guess is that they are also referencing the blue wizards who came before gandlaf saruman and rand the brown, and who defeated many of Saurons leaders during the second age and helped gil-galad, and isiliudur win the battle on the plain of dagorlad, but there is also a theory that one of the two blue qizards were corrupted and turned to Sauron's side during this period, and went on to dominate his forces, so they could be referencing him...only issue is that the wizards are shadily minor gods not numenorians...therefore strictly speaking this is bullshit

Also the black numenoreans mainly huddled around the port of Umbar during the early thiurd age, as the forces of good kind of owned the North, so i am kind of confused by the snow shots in the trailer.  Also rivendell would easily be able to crush any black numenorian force because Elrond's power was at its peak at this point, and the elves of the noldor were VERY numerous in the forests.  Basically this looks like a fun game, but it couldnt have happenned.

http://gamevideos.1up.com/video/id/32747

The Lord of The Rings: WITN Black Númenórean Trailer Video from GameVideos

gamevideos.1up.com

The Lord of The Rings: WITN Black Númenórean Trailer Video, The eye of Sauron has set its gaze upon the PS3, Xbox 360, and PC in EA's The Lord of The Rings: War In The North.

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harry <3

It happens to be Christmass, again

To My Most Beloved DRONES

Ah yes, Christmass, that time of year when the Christians gather round pine trees and offer gifts to appease them, quanzans do quanza type things, and jewish people eat chinese food and go out to the movies (thats how to celebrate).  On this majestic holiday i must be entombed with my family, who I do love, and so have decided in the multitude to write an article to you drones, half in celebration, and half in boredom, and half in enjoyment.

So yeah Assasain's Creed has slowly gotten stranger and stranger throughout its games, and Brotherhood is no execption, where the first game had you chasing down a strange treasure that the templars had stolen, and you were able to see strange e-mails on your captors computers, it has now changed into vague readings on political theories, and apocalyptic scenarios.  This seems to be a large leap, and it has me questioning how Ubisoft is going to finsih this series off in any way that actually makes sense.  Also SPOILER ALERT!!!!! WHY LUCY???

Anyways I really enjoy the changes implemented on the combat system in the newset itteration of the series.  In the first two games the battles were mainly Ezio, or Altair being forced to respond to enemies with counter kills, or through killing the enemies before they could resist.  This system was interesting because it required strategy to overcome groups of enemies, but when larger enemy groups attacked the combat devolved into the player waiting for the enemy to strike, counter, repeat untill all are dead/run away.  IN Brotherhood this system had been partially replaced for the better by a method called "Execution streaks" where the assasain flows from one target to the next killing them quickly, and is only interrupted when struck by another enemy.  This new part of the combat system makes it feel as though it has finally been finished, versus the first two systems which felt lacking of any offensive tactics. 

The plot is of course intricate and excellent, with great historical backing.  This game easily lives up to its predecessors in the accuracy in which Rome is portrayed, and the beauty of the scenery.  The only thing that bothered me was that although Rome was truly vast and varied, it did not go as far as the previous two games in creating unique locals, and is smaller in area than the first two games.  This does not dtract too much from the game, because the side missions involving Leonardos War Machines fill the gap in scenery to some extent, and the vast underground dungeons do switch things up a bit.  Overall however I deeply crave going back to Venice, but most people probably will not care about that.

The story of Desmond continues onward, never pausing for a breath as the final game, and the end of the world approaches, and Minerva once again makes several appearances, uttering dire warning, and then screwing with the player, but the big reveal of the series is yet to come.  This has really helped to build tension, and has got raised my hopes for an epic finale to tis series, but it also puts a burdeno on Ubisoft to finish this series well; if the final reveal is anything less than mind-shattering its going to be a dissapointment.  Overall however I would say that this is the finest of the Assasain's Creed series, and although I am slightly annoyed by the smaller area it has lived up to my expectations.

9.5/10, 4.75/5, Favorable review, and 96.76%, A+

Merry Christmass Zac ;)

harry <3

I love space marines

You with the face, read this article!

So I love space marines, and thats about all you actually need to read of this post, if u strive on, i congratulate you on having far more free time than you should, RETURN TO WORK DRONE. I might be an extremist but if I could marry Commander Mr/Mrs. Shepard, i would without hesitation. 

There is just something appealing about going on an epic journey throughout the cosmos being able to explore brand new planets, and sights you as drones would never otherwise see. That and a lot of space marine games have kick-ass gameplay (mass effect, halo, etc.). I'm not saying that all the space marines games are fantastic, but for the most part thats why they are very popular right now, and anyone who dissaproves is probably just very jealous. (and they are all soooo adopted)

The simple fact of the matter is drones that nothing in the world beats playing Halo: Reach in your underwear at one in the morning, its just the way man was supposed to live. Or dropping two hundred odd hours into mass effect to create every possible type of character imaginable. It is the pull of these vast fantasy worlds that draws us in and ensnares our attention until we forget who we are and where our pants have dissapeared off too, it is a pull all of us must at one time or another answer to. 

Looking back on this post I appear to be as jumpy as a bipolar crack addict, but that might also be because I type this as I am watching Seargeant Johnson die for the twentieth time, leading me to be as emotionally unstable as a pregnant woman...no offense...WHY SARGE??? But to wrap it all up, space marines should not be hated on but accept that they are going to be amazing and should be beloved by all

harry <3

Why DLC is sometimes unfair

hello there ;)

I am a gamer who does not play online and I feel the video game industry is kinda scrweing me over.  I hate to use such un-eloquent terms, but although I love that companies are improving their products after release I do not like the fact that you need to be hooked up to the interwebs to get that special treatment.  I feel as though if the industry released the new content in disc form more often then it would be fair, but as most games do not do this it leaves me feeling like when I buy a game I am not recieving the full expierience and this has led me to a single conclusion.

Drones, countrymen, fellow offline gamers, I feel that we have spent too long in the shadows, and now are only option is to rise up against an unfair industry and demand we be given DLC in disc format or we will shave every chipmunk we see for the next twenty years.  I say this because if I threaten anyone with something worse my boss will kick me off this site...still it is a threat we will carry out for the good of the nation.  IF DLC is still refused to us then we may have to take the drastic step of purchasing the ridiculously cheap online services of these evil corporations, and actually hooking our systems up to the interwebz. Looking back on this post I can only see one moral: if you do not have live by this point your life is meaningless and you should get it, please it is necessary in the modern age of gaming.

If you do not have live then your enjoyment of certain games will be greatly diminished, and althouggh this is unfair in some cases I think that for the moment at least we are simply going to have to deal with tis by either accepting our games will not be as fun as before or find some means of obtaining online connection

or we could shave a LOT of chipmunks...both work for me

harry <3